Tips and Advice for Strippers with Anxiety and Depression

[Likethis]

Link to webarchive thread https://web.archive.org/web/20230126090 ... Depression

Original post by Litch:

I started dancing 8 years ago because I was in a really bad pinch financially with no help from any friends or family. I was super shy and had a lot of mental health issues and started out making about 150 bucks a night on average. It wasn’t great but it beat $7 an hour working retail and I knew there was WAY more potential. I watched the girls making tons of money in front of me and at times I felt discouraged, but after having worked several "real jobs" I knew there were a lot of things that attracted me to dancing. I realized that it was very accommodating for my depression and anxiety. I liked the fact that I didn't *have* to work if I didn't want to. I quickly learned that forcing myself to go to work after having a panic attack or just a generally awful day would feel like pushing a boulder up a hill. I've always had a slim figure and a pretty face, but I realized that there was way more to making money as a dancer than just being good looking. I became committed to figuring out how exactly I could get myself to sustain a good mood even when I was at my lowest and honestly contemplating whether life was even worth living. I tried a ton of different things and I've compiled a list of what has worked for me not only in the strip club, but in my personal life. Stripping can be an emotionally draining job, but it is also a great platform for you to grow and learn about yourself and the world. These tips are gonna seem ridiculously simple, but they are effective. I am now the dancer that I always knew I could be-the girl who banks almost every single night and has a few actual millionaires as regular customers. I'm now going for a masters degree in psychology and I've never felt better! These days I legitimately feel happy and excited to work at a club I used to dread. These are tactics that I implement in my life everyday and things keep getting better because I have changed the way I think about dancing and about life.

For anyone who suffers from mental illness or is going through a rough patch but you NEED to make your rent like YESTERDAY then this is for you and I hope this helps you. You are strong and amazing and you are gonna rock the shit out of your next shift!!

1. Always smile. Even if you don’t feel like it. It tricks your brain into thinking you’re happy eventually and it makes you 100000x more attractive. Some guys like the bitchy mean girl attitude, but you’ll make more money and feel good if you smile. This works ESPECIALLY if it’s a bad night because you stand out more from the rest of the girls who are sulking in the corner. It definitely feels weird at first, but remember the mind follows the body and vice versa. Try to make a natural smile using your mouth and eyes. Do it before you get to work. Try to get there with a smile on your face and if you can't that's ok just keep trying to smile.

2. Be comfortable with customers. Make eye contact, get physically closer, wear a calm expression. While some of the guys may not be the most attractive or fascinating people on the planet, you should show them that you feel at ease around them which will make them feel more at ease with you and they'll want to spend money. Remember that some of the customers are extremely emotionally fragile and they just want to be around a girl who likes them. Find something that you like about them and focus on it in your mind. Does he have nice clothes, cologne, hair, eyes, personality, anything? Don't go overboard with compliments-I tried complimenting guys a ton as a strategy and boy can they tell a fake compliment right away. You don't need to be super flirtatious right away if you're not feeling it. I know firsthand that trying to be overly sexy when you haven't built a rapport first can backfire.

3. Take care of yourself during your shift. Did some weird guy just make you super uncomfortable? Are you feeling a little anxious? Don't be afraid to go to the dressing room for 5 minutes to have a drink of water, do some quick stretching, and spritz yourself with some perfume (vanilla is a really calming scent that the customers also love). Take a deep breath and smile. You got this.

4. Use affirmations and mantras. Your subconscious is honestly just like a computer that can be programmed however you want. Whatever you tell yourself repeatedly, you're gonna end up believing. I grew up with a really religious father who thought that making a lot of money meant you were greedy and sinful which is probably what attributed to my financial failures early on in life. Even as a stripper I had evictions, defaulted on car loans, you name it. Something inside of me just felt SO uncomfortable with the idea of having money. When it became apparent that I needed money to survive I started looking into the "money affirmations" that are so popular among the Law of Attraction believers. I was really skeptical and felt uncomfortable saying things like "I love money" so I just focused on saying things like "I always get what I need" or "I always have more than enough". Now I use more specific money mantras and I say them out loud to myself on the way to work. Affirmations work. Whether or not you believe in the law of attraction, remember that you can always change how you feel about yourself and your situation with your words. You don't have to subscribe to the idea that there is some ultimate universal power that adheres to your vibrations. Think of it as a psychology experiment. And if you do believe in the law of attraction, great! Use it! Whatever you need to tell yourself to consistently start using affirmations, just do it. It will change the way you feel which changes the way you act which changes your experience.

5. Stop complaining! If there's anything I want you to take away from this post it's this: Do. Not. Complain. Don't complain about the customers, don't complain about how slow it is, don't do it. You're gonna put yourself in a bad mood and it's gonna take ages to reverse. Get out of the habit of complaining not just at work but in general. What you focus on grows. If you complain about your problems, they're gonna get worse and even if you DO manage to somehow make money despite being totally miserable, the money won't change your attitude in the long term.

6. Use "preselection" to your advantage. It's been proven that men find a woman more attracted when other men find her attractive. This doesn't mean go and brag to every customer about how many guys have asked you for dances, but you can subtly hint that this is the case. If a guy asks you if you make a lot of money reply with an emphatic "yes!". The perception of "value" is often based on what the majority of people find to be worth a lot of money. This again goes back to NOT complaining. Do not ever complain to the customers. If you act like you're not making money or worse-tell the customer that you're not making money-he's going to think you're not worth it. You ARE worth it. Think about the most expensive champagne room you ever sold. That guy thought you were worth all the money so who's to say that you're not? Using previous good experiences to shape a positive new experience is powerful.

7. Make your "stripper persona" work to your advantage. Most days, I cannot pretend to want to fuck a guy who I do not find attractive. I give props to girls who can dirty talk and drive a guy's mind wild with a sexy fantasy, but it's not for me. I am the most prude stripper you will ever meet. I make my money by being intelligent, witty, and cute (and a killer stage performer). I rarely get called "hot" or "sexy", but many times guys have said to me "wow you're adorable! can you give me a dance?" Remember that there are ALL types of fantasies and you don't have to do or say anything that makes you feel weird or degraded.

8. If all else fails, just have fun. If you're trying and trying and trying all night and nobody's spending money on you try some new pole tricks. Tell someone a joke. Put on an accent. Take some cute selfies with your favorite girls. Make some fun memories to last because your time in this industry is short and if you really think about it, it's actually kind of a cool job and not everyone can do it. Fun is the antidote to stripper burnout and it'll make guys want to spend money on you because that energy is super contagious! Whatever you do, don't storm out of the club fuming about how the night was bullshit and blah blah blah. Keep your head up, smile, and enjoy it.

[Likethis]

I don't know how to copy in all answers and make it look not crazy so I just post some examples of the replies that also give advice:



Selina M:
Excellent post!

Would like to add that if you're at work and the crowd sucks and/or is giving you anxiety or putting you in the Spiral of Doom, find a nice semi normal customer to chat with. I sometimes do this and have a drink with him - he often gets some dances- and then I feel refreshed and positive and ready to deal with the rest of the guys.




tiffany_twisted:
I love this post!!! I am the queen of anxious stripping so I'll add my tips

Ok so, this is me basically every night of my life:

1. If you're already feeling anxious, don't put HUGE goals on yourself. If you usually have a low goal and a high goal, try to put the high goal out of your head completely until you've made your low girl. But honestly, the less you think about how much you earn the better - I know for me that can freak me out, and it can turn into one of those "all or nothing" thought processes where I think "well I'm not gonna be able to make a grand tonight, so fuck it I'll just stay home and get take out!!" Even if you go in and make $100, it's better than if you made nothing.

2. Try not to do too many "overall surveys" of the entire room - like, you know when it's really busy and you just look around at all the customers and you don't even know who to talk to and it's so.overwhelming. and not good. I try to split the club into sections - so for my club, the tables by the stage are on section, the tables by the bar are another section, the tables in the middle of the room (where most of them are) I split up into four different sections. Then I pick one person in a section and go talk to them. After that I go to another section and pick one person and talk to them, after that, another section, another person. This helps my anxiety because sometimes when I'm super anxious I feel like "did that person at the table next to me hear me get rejected/has he been listening to the same lines I'm about to use on him/etc etc etc." When I go from section to section, it looks and feels like I have a purpose because sometimes when I'm anxious and overwhelmed and I just kind of endlessly wander - this gives me a little bit of a road map. It also gives more people the chance to see you and call you over.

3. TAKE BREAKS! I know that hustler law is to never just sit in the dressing room, but remember your anxious nights are not about focusing on the money - they're just about showing up and trying your best (wow I know, I should be a school teacher throwing down lines like that). Take breaks at a rate you feel comfortable with - if you're having a really bad night, then as needed, but otherwise saying "I'll talk to 7 customers and then take a five minute breather." "I'll sell three dances and then get outside for a second." Take your breaks where you'll feel the most calmed and grounded - so go to the dressing room, go outside for a few minutes, go and get yourself something like a smoothie or a tea. Whatever works the best for you.

4. Don't overexert yourself emotionally talking to clients when you are already anxious and emotionally drained. Use body language, stick your tits in their face rub their arms. Use canned lines that you use on everyone. For me sometimes playing dumb is an easy way out of any serious emotional labour these men might expect from you (plus I think it's funny), but it's all about finding what angle drains you the least

Hopefully these things work for some of you as well!!



anouk.oui:
I danced for 6 years with anxiety & depression and due to social anxiety I feel like the job never got easier for me. Here are some things that worked:

1. get yourself in the right mood before work. My best shifts were when i was calm, relaxed, put on music to dance to, allowed enough time to shower do makeup and get ready. When I'm drained and tired or in a rush i'd still soldier on but hated every minute of it and never did that well.
2. when its slow, talk to support staff or your fave bar regulars. Not all the useless barflys, but we often got bar regulars who used to tip and buy drinks and were nice guys even if they didn't do dances. they cared about the girls, gave tips and got you a drink so they're a good resting point when you need to look busy but reeling from a shitty custy. Chatting to waitresses, bar staff and other dancers on the floor are helpful too to keep grounded as long as you both keep it positive.
3. don't try to force it. in the end i only did 2 shifts per week instead of 4 or 5. some girls can do high pressure many shifts and dances but when you're introverted and drained its hard to constantly work on achieving the right hustle mindset compared to those girls who are naturally extroverted
4. don't compare yourself to other dancers. I used to beat myself up over this a lot because i never seemed to do as well as other girls but if i forced myself to overexert id have a huge introvert hangover and couldnt sit and talk to people for days
5. do a stage set. i used to get most of my dances from the custys around my stage coz i had priority as other dancers couldnt approach custys at the stage. id dance and ask for tips, then suss out whether i'd get a dance and a lot of the time i'd get invited back to their table or get dances by the time my set is finished. also moving around is good, you get to have a good view of custys and really show off how hot you are without having to talk to anyone
6. try not to drink too much. towards the end of my dancing career i was so over it and hated absolutely talking to anyone because i felt i heard it all before and really couldnt put on a persona so i drank before and during work a lot to be more fun. it worked, but i dont know if it was worth it and its not sustainable in the long term. try to put off drinking too much for as long as you can otherwise later on it could be difficult to work without it
7. take time off when you need it. sometimes its not economically easy but even taking a week off or having another non hustling job with regular pay like bar work or vanilla work can help stay focused.
8. dont put too much pressure on yourself. sometimes if i set a high earnings goal i would end up freaking out and avoid doing anything all together. find the right hustle mindset that keeps you motivated without the stress
9. when you're feeling good, theres custys and the vibe is right, go slay! you know those times when you're having a great start to the shift? keep positive and riding that high and fully exploit it.
10. focus on getting regulars. finding custy after custy and dealing with rejection can be even harder on you with anxiety and depression. it was great when i had a good reg towards the end so i knew no matter what, i would see him and walk out with money, then any money i make after that is bonus that way i could avoid the added pressure on myself